Activities

• Define the Ideal: Do you ever think about what makes you think a person is graceful or exudes self-confidence? It’s often something you see in one moment as they walk into the room! Think about how these ideal people might walk into every room like they belong there, to get you started. Also think about how they act when they are introduced to new people, how they walk around their home, their office, or at a shopping mall. Try to imagine these people in all sorts of different situations. It may help if you jot some of these ideas down.
• Define Your Ideal: Like above, but remember that the goal isn’t to be someone else, but to see who you think you want to bring out a better self using some of the characteristics up above to guide your thinking of how you might achieve that. If you want to be better at first impressions, for instance, you might want to change how you make an entrance or start a conversation. Above all, however, don’t feel like you have to be something you actively dislike.
• Self-Reflection… and Self-Observation: As always, self-improvement is brought upon in part by self-reflection. In this case, earnest self-observation is also vital, or at least it’s important to accentuate the need to observe yourself in action. Just thinking about how you do things will lead you to only thinking of how you see yourself. Taking the time to become more aware of how you move and act is real time is very important. This means everything from how you initiate a conversation, sit in a chair, talk to someone down a hall, begin a phone conversation, perform an apology, walk to the water-cooler, etc. You need to start becoming aware of what your body is doing—discovering why your doing it is also very helpful (especially if you notice something you think is unusual). If someone gets a wrong impression from you, make sure you take special notice (for example, if they think you are angry with them when you are not).
• Map the Difference from Your Reality to Your Ideal: Take the ideas of who you want to be and your observations about yourself and think about where you tend to deviate most from your imagined goal. Next, you need to determine what you would exactly need to change in order to match your real behavior with your ideal and begin thinking about what you would need to do to make that change. You might have to do more outside research if you can’t figure out what you are doing wrong or how you will ever begin changing some behaviors. This research might be light or very extensive depending on your situation and how much time you’re willing to spend on this virtue. This is where writing down your ideas starts becoming more important.
• Make Concrete Goals and Plans: Now you are ready to begin planning how you will improve upon your gracefulness, what sub-goals you will make to help your larger goal, and how you will evaluate your progress. Some times being clear and concrete will be easier than others, but make sure you try to be as specific as possible and chose measurable goals as often as possible. Make sure you write down your final plan on paper and refer to it regularly. When you have a plan and series of steps in place, make sure you follow through and evaluate your progress.
• Get Outside Ideas: People can be cruel, but if you trust some people more than others, you might want to pick someone’s brain as to what habits or traits they believe are the least graceful about yourself. This might not be a conversation you want to have a serious, sit-down about, but you could bring it up or pay attention to how those around you perceive your daily behavior.
• Work on Serenity: I mentioned this above, but if you are not making the progress you want, you should reassess if anxiety or stress is making gracefulness more difficult for you than it needs to be.

Your Record

Whenever you act like you don’t belong in a place or a conversation you certainly do belong in (like your office, home, or when talking with a spouse), then mark yourself at fault. Other than that, this is something you will have to evaluate and judge for yourself. Even if you don’t feel the need to work on this virtue full-time yet, you might want to perform the early activities at least so you can get a better idea of how you will be judging yourself in general. Once you are focusing on this virtue, chose some activities up above (they are particularly organized in a step-by-step fashion) or come up with your own based on research and go through with them. Make goals and follow up on them and make sure you make yourself accountable for them.

Opinions

To wish you were someone else is to waste the person you are.

Anonymous

Gracefulness has been defined to be the outward expression of the inward harmony of the soul.

William Hazlitt, British Writer

Gracefulness is to the body what understanding is to the mind.

Francois de la Rochefoucald, French Author

Insist on yourself; never imitate.

Ralph Waldo Emerson, American Poet, Essayist, and Lecturer

Whatever you say, say it with conviction.

Mark Twain, American Author, Humorist, and Essayist

Golden Mean

Recommended Reading

Natural Body, Natural Shape: Develop a Strong Self-Image, Good Health, & Ageless Grace & Beauty Through Yoga — by Barbara B. Moroney

This book focuses on the physical health and personal image side of gracefulness. Her philosophy that you don’t need an ideal body, but the ideal version of your body, along with the advice on how to achieve that body, will improve your outer and inner grace.

The Power of Charm: How to Win Anyone Over in Any Situation — by Brian Tracy, Ron Arden

This book is more of a guide to improving social charm and grace, and the author provides some good tips and ideas that can help you out.

Better than Beauty: A Guide to Charm — by Helen Valentine, Alice Thompson

This is a guidebook to how to be graceful and witty in difficult social situations. First published in 1938.

Irresistible Attraction: Secrets of Personal Magnetism — by Kevin Hogan, Mary Lee Labay

This book is another book on how to charm people over, with perhaps more of a focus on seeking romance than some of the other books. It also focuses on appearing graceful when you are nervous and not feeling full of grace at the moment.