Too little
Ending the inquiry
I should have known I could not do this.
An early difficulty is treated as a final judgment.
Patience
The bowl leans a little. It still has room for a spoon.
A willingness to allow worthwhile processes their necessary time.
Patience gives an unfolding process the time and attention it needs. In an unfamiliar task, it keeps the first attempt from becoming a verdict on your right to learn. It can include a different pace, a different method or a decision to stop.
Patience gives time to learn without a trial of your worth
At a beginner’s pottery session, your bowl develops a distinctly personal horizon. You set a spoon inside it; the spoon stays. There is more clay if you want another try. You can ask how to support the wall, enjoy this odd little bowl or leave the next attempt for another day. None of those choices requires apologizing for being a beginner.
Finding the balance in Patience
An illustrative everyday situation
Treat a lopsided first bowl as one attempt rather than proof that learning has an age limit.
A fitting response
Allowing the process
What would help the next wall stay upright?
Attention moves to a manageable next step.
Pursued too far
Enduring without adjustment
I must keep going however tired I am.
Waiting becomes a refusal to use help, rest or a better method.
The first attempt can give information without giving a sentence.
When the situation changes
If the pace or equipment is unsuitable, ask for an adjustment or choose another activity. Patience is not a duty to struggle through avoidable barriers.
What Patience makes possible
An unfamiliar task may become less charged. You can notice progress, enjoy an imperfect result or decide it is not for you without turning any outcome into a claim about what people your age can do.
Patience in ordinary life
A new route
You need to look at the directions twice. Leave time for that and ask a useful question; speed is not the only measure of knowing where you are going.
A form with poor instructions
You cannot tell which box applies. Seek clarification instead of accepting the form’s confusion as evidence of your inadequacy.
Nearby virtues, different work
Curiosity
Curiosity asks what there is to learn. Patience gives learning room to unfold.
Compassion
Compassion answers difficulty with care. Patience keeps you from demanding an immediate result.
Patience and its counterfeits
Counterfeit: Silent endurance
Tolerating dismissive instruction can resemble Patience. You may ask for respectful help or leave.
Counterfeit: Compulsory perseverance
Continuing a task long after it has ceased to serve you is not required.
How to cultivate Patience
Make the next step small enough to understand.
Allow questions, pauses and suitable tools.
Decide whether another attempt is wanted.
Try it today
Give one unfamiliar, low-stakes task a little more room. Ask one question or change the method. Stopping is also available.
In later life
Give a new attempt the time it needs.
Questions worth returning to
What is this attempt actually telling me?
Would more time help, or would a different arrangement help more?
Keep the practice proportionate
A difficult task does not establish anything about intelligence, health or character. Seek appropriate help for concerns about health or functioning; this page offers no assessment of them.
About these practices · DisclaimerQuotations and further reading
Seven selections to return to through the week. Follow a source link to read the surrounding passage.
if they would have patience with me at first.
Miss Jessie considers unfamiliar paid work after bereavement. Her request makes room for a beginner’s learning without demanding instant competence.
Could my soul once take footing, I would not essay but resolve: but it is always learning and making trial.
Montaigne presents his inquiry as unfinished. A new attempt can remain an experiment rather than a final verdict on the learner.
If you say to me now that you want a fig, I will answer to you that it requires time: let it flower first, then put forth fruit, and then ripen.
Epictetus answers a question about developing steadiness in a difficult relationship. The image also gives a learner permission to allow a process time.
not to distract my attention by attempting the whole at once, but to fix it on one of them at a time
Franklin describes the manageable scope of his practice. A learner can attend to one step without making the whole task an immediate demand.
a scientific patience in the accumulation of facts
Addams connects patience with learning from neighbours. Time can serve understanding rather than simply measure how long a person endures.
It is not important that he should mature as soon as an apple-tree or an oak.
Thoreau questions an imposed timetable. A comparison with someone else’s progress need not dictate the pace of your own learning.
Then I compared my Spectator with the original, discovered some of my faults, and corrected them.
Franklin describes one stage in learning to write. An attempt is something to inspect and adjust, not a verdict on whether its maker belongs.
Continue exploring
Take these ideas into everyday life
Read freely, follow the thirteen-virtue program, or adapt this collection in My Virtues. Health and independence do not measure your worth.